First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
