i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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