last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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