Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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