is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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