He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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