My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I intend to get homeless drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
