I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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