i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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