i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
