Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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