my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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