When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
