Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need a beard to bite.
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