You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
