I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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