Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
