Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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