Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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