you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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