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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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