And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
