The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
