i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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