i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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