I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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