Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
