I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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