Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
