Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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