Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
