it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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