It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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