I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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