Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
