actually, I'm a sock model
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
