apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
