Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
