Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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