I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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