I wish I could punch you in the face.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
