Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
