I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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