I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
