And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
