omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
