so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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