i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
