yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
