I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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