She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he fucked my hip out of place.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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