she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
