I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
