It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
