he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
