That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
